I’ve always loved G.I. Joe. Not the big giant dolls of the 70’s, or the creepy old WWII vet who lived down the street from me who wanted us neighborhood kids to call him that, but the ultra cool, weekday afternoon, toy-line fortified cartoon G.I. Joe. It kicked ass. And when you’re 10, you TOTALLY know what kicks ass. Lemon Heads kick ass, Knight Rider kicks ass, GoBots definitely did NOT kick ass.

And over the years I’ve still retained by love for the Joe. When the DVD box sex came out, like the good dad I am, I rented and illegally copied every single one for my boys. See, it’s those extra steps that makes a good parent. But with the rumors of a new live action movie in the works, it made me wonder if those beginning episodes of the cartoon I loved so much still held up. Will it still kick ass? At 33, do I even KNOW what kicks ass anymore? I thought I’d take another look, starting at the beginning with the first episode ever, The Cobra Strikes!

It opens up rather Top Gunnish with several Sky Strykers flying down and landing on an enormous landing strip. We find Duke, Snake Eyes, and another Joe talking about how awesome these new planes are (which just begs for them to be blown up soon, right?) as some crazy hot dog pilot comes within inches of killing the three of them. What the hell?? Who is this madman, crazed with testosterone??? Oh, it’s Scarlett. What a clever twist! She and Duke just about undress each other with their eyes. Was this sexual tension always there? I guess when you’re 8 you just don’t notice as much. Maybe this is why I’ve always loved redheads…and thought it was a good idea to wear the same clothes every day for an entire summer.

Suddenly alarms sound and its Cobra, led by a crazy bastard with a pencil-thin moustache and an eye patch! It’s Major Bludd! What a cool name for such a douche bag! Suddenly it’s Pearl Harbor all over again. And I mean the movie, not the attack, including the overly animated acting. Blam, boom, all the planes are destroyed while Joes run around trying to avoid being shot at. Duke and Scarlett actually do some fancy flips to dodge bullets. I woulda thought just hiding would work better, but I’m not part of a daring, highly trained special mission force, so what do I know? Eventually the Joes start fighting back, Cobra retreats(of course) and the Joes let them go(of course). I have always thought that Cobra really just lacks follow through and the Joes just need to actually go after them at least once. Always the back and forth with these two! Do you think the Joe’s are a little more gung-ho about their escapades with Cobra since they know they’ll never ever die? I mean how much fear can you have when you know that no matter what you’ll soon be floating back to earth in a parachute or waking up from a slight concussion probably with Lady J or some other equally foxy Joe-ette waiting with cold beer and a bag of hot lovin. Or chips.

Ominous shot on some mysterious temple. Looks like Cobra bought out Dracula’s castle and stuck some cobras on the side of it. Lightning constantly flashes dramatically as a cloaked figure enters and reveals himself to be….Destro, the metal maniac himself! Cobra and Destroy exchange some pleasantries, which include Cobra over doing the snaky lisp thing. He is wearing his trademark helmet and blue suit. He’s a rather dapper fellow considering he wears a helmet and is crazy. (Question: Do you think when Destro goes down on the Baroness he leaves his mask on? Wouldn’t that be uncomfortable? And cold? And what’s with all the masks? Cobra Commander did give up his former mirrored helmet look for a suave and flowy cloth sack type of thing, but it’s still a mask. Maybe that’s a more out on the town evening look? And what is it they’re both hiding? Perpetually bad haircuts? Orthodontic mishaps? Cross eyes? Of course when he did lose the mask eventually he did become a giant snake, so maybe it was best left on. And I know what you’re saying: Snake Eyes wore a mask too. But so what? He was Snake Eyes, and he fucking rocked. He was a ninja who was mute. And deaf and blind. And had chronic eczema. And ingrown toenails. He was allowed to wear a mask because that added to the coolness factor.)

Destro has brought three giant cubes, which later will be reused and turned into Energon Cubes on the Transformers set. One has water in it, one has what looks to be Pop Rocks, and one has….gold? Liquid gold? Wouldn’t that be quite heavy? Anyhow, these three elements are going to fuel some big bad killer device(they’ve got an abundance of these things don’t they?) which will help Cobra dominate the Universe. Pretty hefty ambition for a guy with a lisp and a tight little blue suit. Might be better to start small, like with dominating New Jersey or something.

Now we find Duke in some official government building talking to some stuffy General who’s telling him that the Joes are needed for a Special Mission. Hey, what a coincidence, they’ve got Special Mission right in their name! Some obnoxious woman appears and appears to bowl over Duke with her knowledge of paperwork mumbo jumbo. I don’t like this lady, I think she’s a spy. Just a feeling. She’s Major Hooper from the Pentagon, and she keeps messing with her earring. Lousy bitch! So we find out that there’s a new space satellite that’s launching tomorrow and the Joe’s are needed to protect it and….no wait, not protect it, break in and try to steal it? Wouldn’t it be easier to just have them stand around and protect it? Apparently Duke already knows what they want and as they speak Joes are storming the compound. Ah, Snake Eyes, hapless guards are no match against you, even if you’re still not wearing gloves for some reason. Did he leave them at home today? Are they spinning in his dryer back at base, and all day he’s thinking, “Fuck, I wish I had my gloves, I feel like a total retard. Oh, well at least I’m wearing a shirt. Look at Gung-Ho, what’s up with that look?” Too true, Snake Eyes. Who came up with Gung Ho’s unfortunate vest without a shirt look with his handlebar moustache. I mean, I understand it was the 80’s and being a Joe lent itself to being able to still get a lot of play even if you’re dressed unfortunately, but still. Take Shipwreck for instance. When was the Popeye look ever hot?

Anyhow, it appears that Scarlett has a jet pack! That’s cool! Due to some intense synchronization of their watches (Swatches, you think? It was the 80’s), some amazing explosions and high flying jumps and flips, three of the Joes actually make it in. Snake Eyes, Scarlett, and Stalker slip in just as the General is saying the Joe’s failed. Haha, suck that General! I’m waiting for Duke to bitch slap him, but instead we get a tour of the satellite for no apparent reason and we discover that it’s called the Relay Star and that it will be able to send and receive energy! That sounds pretty nifty I must say. I just hope that someone like Cobra doesn’t have some big new giant gun that could use the energy of this satellite and—oh shit, they DO! I sense bad things afoot! And that evil bitch lady keeps messing with her earring! Now she’s taking it off and putting it on the satellite. Close up reveals that it has a Cobra logo on it! Oh no, now she’s supporting Cobra’s lesser known domination of the fashion industry! Oh wait, it’s a homing beacon.

Switch back to the castle where Destro is going to start the big gun! And to make it start you just press a big giant button on the console, well that is handy! Oh wait, it’s not working, whew, that was close! Ha, Cobra Commander calls Destro a Titanium Faced Turkey! Oh it’s some sort of transmat beam and Destro was trying to beam the satellite back to them, but his energy levels are off, probably due to the Pop Rocks dissolving once they got in the water. So now he’s going to send some Cobra guys over THERE and have them bring it back. Brilliant!

Cobras appear out of nowhere and the bullets(or lasers?) start flying. The lousy whore who stuck her earring on the satellite rips off her wig and somehow drops 30 pounds and it’s….The Baroness! Is it just me or is she really hot? Now they’re fighting back and forth, stuff blows up, yada yada yada, Destro beams them back. I guess he got more Pop Rocks. Uh oh, Duke got caught in the transport beam. That CAN’T be good! Duke starts kicking the crap out of nearby Cobra goons and takes off. He’s a one man snake whippin’ machine! It takes six goons to take him down. What a man! Cobra says he’s going to the slave pits! Fuckin SLAVE PITS!! That REALLY can’t be good!

So now Cobra send the satellite in orbit and hijacks all television programming while all the Joes stand around and watch as Cobra demands surrender in 24 hours or bad stuff will happen, and he makes the Eiffel Tower disappear! Take THAT, Copperfield! Then I assume regular programming resumes and they keep watching Alf or Small Wonder.

Duke wakes up in the slave pits with lots of people around, wearing headbands with lights. He thinks it’s just a fashion statement, but you and I know it’s Mind Control, right? Baroness is there and yes, she IS hot! She tells Duke he’s going in the Cobra Arena of Sport! Is this Rome? Who does the contracting for Cobra Commander? (“…And over here we’d like a giant snake pit, next to the master bath, and downstairs we’re really hoping for some sort of a, you know, Cobra Arena of Sport thing, adjacent to the slave pits if possible. With crown molding.”) Can this get any worse for our hero??

The Joes are en route to find Dr. Vandemeer, who is the only one who can do something good…that’ll combat….the bad? I dunno really, but he’s the only one! Anyhoo, Cobra has already gotten there and replaced the real Vandemeer with a fake! Lousy sneaky snakes! Now the fake Vandemeer pulls off his mask and it’s Major Bludd! Bludd, you bastard! Full on attack ensues, per usual. Things blow up, people do flips, it’s all rather standard at this point. Gung Ho bear hugs three Cobra goons at once! Homo-erotically, no doubt! Cobra retreats, again, par for the course, lousy ‘fraidy cat snakes! The Joes call a cease fire because, well, it’s easier than actually going AFTER them once again and maybe finally catching them. They find the real Vandemeer and apparently Cobra has picked his brain and stole his secrets…right from his brain! I’m sure he didn’t just tell them everything those five minutes they were there before the Joes were. Lesson learned, scientists are weak and can be easily tied up and will give up their mothers if someone threatens to break their glasses. Better to fight! Thanks, Joes! Now I know! And knowing is half the battle! The other half is DYING! So now the Joes have got to create ANOTHER Mass device to combat the Mass device that Cobra stole. And they need to find those super rare substances, like water, before Cobra does. I smell a multi-parter!!

Duke is in the Arena, calling Cobra Reptile Breath and saying he’s going to kick in his fangs. Ah, Duke, if I was a gay cartoon character, I would so totally be in love with you. Now that he has a headband too, he can be controlled by Destro, who is using what looks to be an amped-up Atari Controller…Really? One stick and one button, you’d think you’d need like, one more button or something. Or a rumble pak. So Duke is facing his opponent who is….Conan the Barbarian? What the hell? Wait, this dude is like fifteen feet tall! Duke’s gonna bite the big one! In episode one!!

And that’s the end of the episode, scenes from the next show exciting moments of fighting, explosions, retreat and cease fire! Rock on! Oh, and “radioactive crystals of death!” You can’t go wrong with that!

And always remember kids, never go sailing in a small pond or lake without full S.C.U.B.A. exoskeleton and underwater recon gear! It’s just not safe! Now you know! And knowing is…..something something….

Time for a break, what a better way to spend it than listening to what’s randomly playing on my Zen Vision: M mp3 player! Here’s what’s playing!

Jump Around by House of Pain…. This song reminds me so much of 1993 that it’s not even funny. It was during the big Beastie Boys redux and everyone seemed to be into this new kind of hip hop/rock thing that went way beyond what Run DMC and Aerosmith did years before. Once again, music from the high school days seem to kinda run a soundtrack to your life and this song popped up right between my Junior and Senior years. Aside from this song I wasn’t really a fan, but it was fun and obnoxious and loud at when ur 17 that’s all you really need. Though I did kinda like what the one guy did later on when he came out w/ his solo rap whatever album. Whitey or something, right? I dunno…

Foolish Beat by Debbie Gibson…… Ah, Ms. Gibson, what I wouldn’t have given up for you when I was 12 years old. Now she’s Deborah and still totally hot and I’m not ashamed of any of it! My friend Richard and I actually split the cost of the cassette of this album (Out of the Blue, for you too young or too ashamed to admit you know) and promptly copied it and he got the copy and I got the original. So I was sharing music way before the internet made it cool and accessible. I wonder if the RIAA knows about this and is going to come to take back my tape collection. Anyhow, in the Tiffany/ Debbie debates I always went w/ Debbie. She wrote all of her own songs you know!! Not bad for a 16 or 17 year old or whatever she was at the time. Anyhow, Debbie, you always have a special pre-pubescent place in my heart, which is beating to some Foolish Beat right now.

Hand In my Pocket by Alanis Morrisette….Okay, so not only is Alanis really God, she rocks. If you don’t get that, go see Dogma, duh! I’m sure everyone and their mother had a copy of Jagged Little Pill, and though my mother actually didn’t, I did. And despite everyone claiming that her album was full of angry woman rants, I found it quite mellow in places. And this one was supposed to be about masturbation, which is why I guess her hand is in her pocket. Though you think she’d find a better time for that than when she’s hailing a taxi cab, but to each their own. If so, this song goes in the same category as She Bop and Dancin With Myself and Turning Japanese, all songs supposedly about that, but apparently, not. Is this the video where she’s naked? If not, I still like that video. I’ve always thought Alanis was hot and having her being even blurry naked was cool. I listened to this album a whole bunch of times before I sold the CD to help pay for rent many moons ago. Did you know that a CD you buy for ten bucks will only give u a return of about fifty cents? And no, not 50 Cent’s new CD, actually two bits. Which personally is about what I think the value of any of 50 Cent’s CD’s to be worth. But I digress.

Morning Train by Sheena Easton…..Before Sheena became Prince’s personal sex slave, she was sweet and innocent and just waiting for her man to come home from a hard day’s work so she can feed him, give him his purple robe, and listen to what it sounds like when dove’s cry together. This was a straight from the back of my subconscious 80’s tune that I don’t mind listening to over and over. It reminds me of simpler days of my youth, for some reason memories of being at the local ballpark, which is funny since I hated playing baseball. But I still hung out down there since everyone else did, and I could buy candy and it was probably playing in the background over and over that year, in 1980. Wait, in 80 I was six, so maybe it was a few years later. Who knows. Oh and apparently Sheena Easton is the only artist seen performing the song in the title sequence of a bond movie, with For Your Eyes Only. Thank you, Wikipedia.

Time’s up, more next time!

Just listening to my Zen Vision: M on my work break, and thought I’d let you know what I’m hearing. Enjoy!

Freedom by George Michael…. This song is great. I was a huge George Michael fan from Faith, obviously, as anyone who was listening to pop music at that time was. He was cool, the music was cool. Gone away were the florescent hot pants and message shirts of the Wham! Days and now it was George being the essence of cool, with a haircut I tried years to emulate. Later, when he came out with Freedom, it was refreshing for him to talk (or sing) about how he had become just a face and that the music was the most important thing. Not something you’re bound to hear from most musicians, especially nowadays. And he underlined the message by not appearing in the video, just having hot, half-naked models lip synch the song. I’ve always liked George, and this song made me respect him, both as a man and as an artist.

Pets by Porno 4 Pyros… This was one of the first cd singles, therefore first cd at all, that I ever bought. It was this and belly’s feed the tree, both of which I think I still have. I know I still have Belly’s at least. Got this song in 94, after I moved out of the parent’s pad and moved in w/ my cousin to start my year of slackerdom w/ him and his wife. Kurt had just offed himself (or so Courtney wants us to believe) and grunge was holding strong, with Alternative Radio really making a big splash. Perry Ferrell was doing the Lollapalooza thing, which was awesome. I remember seeing The Breeders (awesome band), Beastie Boys, Arrested Development….and I can’t remember who else. It was an awesome gig. So anyhow, great song. About how we’re fucked up and probably will do ourselves in the way of the dinosaurs and become some intergalactic bad boy’s little bitch. We’ll make great pets, we’ll make great pets….

Norwegian Wood by P.M. Dawn…. How do I love PM Dawn, let me count the ways….okay, I’m not gonna count the ways, but I have always loved these guys. Their first album was quite popular and had some really great tunes on it, but then interest in the guys kinda waned w/ their subsequent albums, which is a shame. They’re kinda like a spiritual hip hop-ish kinda groovy group. This song is from the Bliss Album, which was their 3rd record I believe, and is actually a remake of a Beatles tune, if you can believe it. That really rocks, because it translates really well into the light hip hop track it became. I have all of PM Dawn’s albums and I suggest everyone should also.

Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough by Michael Jackson….I love old school Michael Jackson. Heck, I really dug what MJ was doing when he put out Dangerous, but by that time he had gotten just so odd that it was overshadowing his music, which is a shame. MJ, by and large, really knows how to make great music, and this song reflects that. I honestly have no idea what album this song is from, but it’s one of those pre-Thriller tunes from the 70’s/80’s that really built up to his firestorm of Thriller. Okay, wikipedia says that it’s from the Off The Wall album, which I thought it was. Not sure what it’s about, but it has a great groove and some classic MJ sounds, w/out going overboard w/ the hee hee’s and woo’s and the over pronunciations of the last syllable he does on his later stuff. You know what I’m talking about. Anyhow, I will never be ashamed to admit that I had not one but TWO MJ posters in my room when I was 10 years old and wore out 3 copies of Thriller on record. Still the king of Pop, just stay away from my kid.

That’s all on this jaunt! Hope you enjoyed the break, now back to work!

Finding topics to discuss on here can sometimes be tough, and finding extra time to really delve into those topics can be even tougher, so I decided to just ramble about the one thing I can get into most of the time: music. To be exact, the music currently on my Creative Zen Vision: M player, which I have gone on about in great lengths on here on how wonderful and great it is. Where I work, I cannot listen to music unless I am on a break. So on my breaks, I plug in and take a walk, to get the blood circulating and to jam a bit and try to get through the day. I’ve found, though, that as I’m walking and listening to songs, I’m thinking about things. Things about the song, things about the artist, things about what those other two things remind me of. Basically, I got stuff running through my head that’s sometimes interesting, mostly inane, but at least it’s something, so I thought I’d get those thoughts down and blog them.

Also, it’ll let others have a chance to see what’s on my playlist. I have a fairly eclectic range of music that I like to listen to on a daily basis, so maybe someone will see a song and actually go looking for it, and I might expose some people to some really cool music they might not have normally come across. Especially those under the age of 20, who will probably not recognize ANYTHING I have on my player, simply because most good music stopped being made in the mid-90’s.

But I digress….

So let me bring to you my very first, hopefully of many, Music Break.

Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot…. I have to say I really love this song. Aside from being one of the lovers of the larger posterior, this song brings me back to my high school days. This was really popular my senior year and the summer before. I recall driving around in my friend’s Lincoln Continental (yeah, he was that kind of guy) and really pumping out Baby Got Back, which I actually had on a cassette single. This was before everyone had CD’s and CD players, in 1993. The B side to the song was Cake Boy, which is a kick ass song too. Very funny. You have to give it to Mix A Lot for making good hip hop that’s very funny and interesting, without sounding like everyone else out there. I consider this song to come out around the end of descent rap music. If you haven’t heard the whole album this song comes from, Mack Daddy, then definitely pick it up. It has lots of great tunes that got some major play from me and my friends. It may be played out, but it never gets old. Even white boys gotta shout.

Doctorin The Tardis by The Time Lords (AKA The KLF)…Wow, what a kick ass song. Okay, there are two reasons this songs really rocks. One, it’s a Doctor Who song, and two, it’s by KLF who called themselves the Time Lords for this release. The fact that they remade the popular dance song into a Doctor Who fanboy tune is just awesome. I used to watch Doctor Who with my friend Chris when we were like 10 years old and they were showing them on PBS. It’s when Tom Baker was the Doctor and he just ruled our prepubescent worlds. Now the KLF really were an interesting group. Their major release, The White Room, had hits like Last Train to Transcentral and What Time is Love and things like that, that were popular during my later years in high school. What a great song.

I Know What You’re Doin by Dionne Farris…Not a surprise, another songs from the mid to early 90’s. I don’t remember exactly when this song came out but you don’t hear it nearly enough nowadays on mix stations and I don’t know w hat Dionne Farris has done since then, but I like this tune. Good beat and very clever lyrics. I like the jangly backbeat that kind of reminds me of songs like Hippy Chick by Soho or something by the chick who sings Tom’s Diner. This songs really has the feel of the 90’s, music-wise. Things were a little lighter then, and not so played out. Have I mentioned that most music nowadays sucks?

Leather by Tori Amos….Ahhhh…Tori. This song is just brilliant. From her first major album, which is just a blessing to listen to, this song really kicks ass for being mostly a piano ballad w/ some really sublte guitar in the background. Some major depth of emotion going on in this tune. I used to really have a giant crush on Tori. Aw hell, I still do. Saw her in concert a few times and she does not disappoint. I kind of prefer her older stuff to the newer but I love everything she does. My friend Susan got me into Tori and I’ll always love her for that.Oh god, could it be the weather, oh god, it’s so very clear, if love isn’t forever, and it’s not the weather, hand me my leather. Does she mean a whip? What exactly, is she wanting her leather for????

Track 10 by Michael Schmidt…. Okay I’ve mentioned Michael before in my previous entries, and I stand by the fact that he kicks ass. I’ve been lucky enough to get a chance to hear his new album pretty much. This one doesn’t have a name in my player because I have the names written down. Just some great guitar playing and Michael’s hypnotic lyrics and vocal stylings. Very soft and sentimental. I have about a dozen tracks of his in my player and while I do skip by a lot of songs while I’m listening, I never skip by one of Michael’s. Hopefully you’ll check his stuff out and see what I’m talking about. Go to his VIRB.com page and listen, where he has most of his tracks available for listening to.

Well that’s all for this break. I’ll listen more later….will you??

Chapter 1 can be found here and Chapter 2 can be found here…

Chapter 3

Jesse had spent the past thirty-five minutes crawling through the extensive ductwork, getting completely dirty and utterly lost. Of course, not knowing where your destination is to begin with may retract from the idea of being lost, and considering he was looking for a way out of a spaceship that was at the moment actually in space, being lost was a better alternative to slipping out of one of the ship’s outer vents and floating helplessly in space for the minute and a half it took the pressure of space to cause his head to explode.

He was lost, but he was far from done. He had climbed up, he had slid down, he had turned right exclusively for a while before he realized what he was doing, then began alternating between left and right, with occasionally just a straight ahead to keep things interesting.

Interestingly enough, when he finally paused because of the large, hairy creature he had come across who was also taking up residence in the duct, he was only about fifty feet from where his two companions now were. Unfortunately, the two were sitting only about thirty-five feet from the point where Jesse first entered the vent. If he could get a few feet past the creature he would be able to see his friends almost directly beneath him, eating, laughing, and talking to two of the alien women.

“What was that?” Nick asked, looking up at the complicated mess of ductwork and wiring on the ceiling. After a brief and fairly unsettling internal dispute over what to choose, Nick had filled his plate and joined Brian at a small table. Sherras and Angea, as the girls introduced themselves, joined the men and they all enjoyed the food, conversation, and company.

“I didn’t hear anything,” replied Brian, finishing off another plate of tiny cheese sandwiches.

“Probably a bakawak,” replied Sherras, looking up also.

“A whatsit?” remarked Brian.

“The bakawaks are underground omnivorous creatures that we put in our ventilation system to keep it free from large debris. Quite a wonderful creature, it’ll eat just about anything and its defecation actually purifies the air and smells like vanilla.” Angea smiled brightly.

“Interesting…” responded Nick.

“So,” asked Brian, now looking up, “is it really dangerous?”

“Only when provoked generally. Like if it felt it was being attacked. Or when it’s hungry it can be quite aggressive.” Angea joined the rest of the group and looked up.

“So the last place you wanna be is cooped up with that thing when it’s hungry, eh?”

“Or worse yet, aggravate it with food.”

“Hey wanna candy bar??” Jesse waved a Baby Ruth around in order to get the attention of the large creature which, to his every effort, had not moved so that he could continue his journey.

Initially, he thought maybe he could just crawl around it but it seemed to spread out so as to take up the entire width of the vent. He couldn’t figure out which end was its head and which was not. It looked like a big lump of long hair, and he could see where there were legs, but just could not determine which way they seem to be pointing. He had pushed on the creature for a few minutes to see if it would move or at the very least, turn a little, but it seemed to weigh more than he did. It was then that he remembered he had the spare candy bar in his pocket.

“What’dya think furball?” he said, looking for any sign of a head. “You hungry?”

He sighed and sat back. This was getting him nowhere in his effort to save himself and his friends from the clutches of the blood sucking alien vampires. It called for drastic action.

“Hey asshole, wake up!” he poked the creature vigorously with the Baby Ruth.

It was then that he found the head. It was the part closest to him that at that moment revealed a mouth full of tiny pointed teeth.

“Okay, now I know you heard that,” said Nick, looking up again. This time he could actually see movement in the vents.

“Could be I did, could be I didn’t,” replied Brian and Nick gave him an odd look.

“Sounds like the bakawak found something it liked,” said Sherras.

“Something big it liked, apparently,” replied Angea.

Nick continued looking up for a moment as the others continued their conversation. Eventually, he looked back down and joined them. They found their lives, though separated by millions of miles, social and gender discrepancies, and a disturbing difference in eating habits, were not entirely dissimilar. There was even one socialistic ritual that was apparently practiced all over the Universe.

“We’ll be right back,” said Sherras, standing and running a hand through her long curly blonde hair, “we need to freshen up.”

Angea stood also and the two disappeared around a corner, giggling slightly.

“My friend,” said Brian, as he lifted a glass of purplish liquid in toast, “who would have thought when we decided to take a long walk on a deserted beach without telling a soul where we were going that things would turn out so interestingly.”

“Yeah,” replied Nick, eating what he hoped were potato chips, “go figure, huh?”

They drank their colored drinks and discussed life and love and potato chips.

“Hey where’s Jesse?” asked Nick eventually.

“I dunno,” Brian looked around for a moment. “Maybe he’s off talking to some hot short chick.” He looked around some more. “Plenty of ‘em around, ya know.”

“I noticed,” replied Nick, eating what he hoped were grapes.

“So what do you think of our new friends?”

Nick looked off in the direction the girls disappeared. “Well…very cute, short, sweet, and from a different planet. What I’ve always wanted in a girl.”

Brian smiled. “What can I say? We’re lucky alright!”

In the rather spacious restroom there was a lot of hustle and bustle of petite ladies running in and out, never worrying about waiting in line with the forty-five stalls of bidets. Among the scores of petite beauties Sherras and Angea stood in front of two of the man mirrors adorning the walls.

“Well, Sherras,” said Angea, as she chose a lipstick from the dispenser, “what do you think?”

Sherras smiled a moment. “Tall, cute, sweet, and from another planet. Perfect, I’d say.” She pressed a button and began to receive a quick manicure from the bathroom robots.

“Perfect indeed,” replied Angea, pressings another button and getting a quick facial. “Tall and strong enough to fulfill all of our needs…”

“…to work hard to get us what we desire…” added Sherras.

“They’ll be just perfect workers!”

“In the slave pits!” They both exclaimed as the others in the bathroom began to giggle, almost maniacally, many exposing their front teeth which were fairly long and quite, quite sharp.

Brian and Nick turned in the direction of the giggling.

“And just listen how happy they are,” Brian said as Nick nodded in agreement. “What a nice change of pace to find women who are so cheerful and carefree. They seem so eager to make us happy; I’ll bet they’ll wait on us hand and foot!”

Nick laughed. “Lucky, my man. Just plain lucky!”

…Just another Chapter….please post thoughts and suggestions! Thanks…

I recently stumbled upon a very funny sketch comedy show from the late 80’s/early 90’s from the BBC called A Bit of Fry & Laurie starring Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie doing, of course, sketch comedy. Now I knew Hugh Laurie was actually NOT a grumpy grizzled American doctor, as he so deftly plays in House, but was pleasantly surprised to find out that he was in fact a very funny Brit who would go to great lengths to make himself look a fool to get a laugh.

Definately in the comedy vein of Monty Python, Fry & Laurie is very funny if you enjoy British comedy and are in search for something new. Well new in the way that anything is new to you when you first find it, since it is, in fact, off the air and has been for quite sometime. If you’ve only seen Hugh Laurie as Doctor House it is definately fun to watch him play someone completely different.

And since we’re talking about Fry & Laurie, you should also check out the British quiz show QI, which stands for Quite Interesting. Stephen Fry is the host and asks questions that are both quite hard and quite interesting, of course, and points are given by not always the correct answer but also answers that may be wrong but more interesting. It’s a very fun and different show which showcases some of Britain’s best comedians and actors, some of which know some very intriguing bits of information.

And if you’re unsure who Stephen Fry is, he was the voice of the Guide in The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy movie and he is currently guesting on Fox’s show Bones as David Boreanaz’s character’s shrink. He’s a very funny and very smart man, and really makes the show fun to watch.

I came upon QI because I heard Leo Laporte talking about it during a TWIT podcast so I checked it out. He was frustrated about not being able to get the show through regular channels (i.e. television or dvd) because a) it’s not on any American channels, including BBC America, and 2) the dvd’s are encoded in the wrong region for us in the states to be able to watch them. Which unfortunately is true for many BBC programs (like Doctor Who!!) so that the only other way is to download them through peer to peer or torrent sites. Which is how I had to come to acquire the two shows I’m talking about today. Hopefully someday we’ll figure out a way to let Americans get a hold of BBC shows in ways that aren’t so, well, illegal!

Okay, enough of that rant, just check out those great shows which, obviously, you’ll have to do through less than legal means, but I don’t currently think the BBC is out patrolling to put us few Americans who just want to enjoy their programs, in the stockades. Until next time!

Okay, so my play on words isn’t the best, but I wanted to point out that the lovely fellow I found on myspace whose music touched me so much has a page on virb, which I have spoken about here, that has a lot more great music from this prolific singer/songwriter.

His entire first album, entitled (SL)EEP!, which he has yet to find a record company for, can be heard on here and it was quite interesting. While his tunes and melodies are fairly upbeat and, well, melodic, his lyrics are nice and dark, dealing w/ things like nightmares, fears, and the like. A bit of a departure from his more strictly acoustic fair he shares w/ us on his myspace, his new collection is a bit more layered, incorporating other sounds to set the mood like drums, strings, bells, and anything else he can find sitting around the microphone to add the necessary ambience for this dark and interesting departure.

I highly recommend checking him out (or checking him out AGAIN if you checked him out the first time I posted about him) and give him a chance. While you can not as of yet download or purchase his songs, you can listen to them there and he is in the works to find a way to allow fans to buy songs directly from him, or even allow a few free downloads.

He’s a really interesting young man that I’ve gotten the pleasure to know over the past several months so give him a go. He even did the artwork for the cover of (SL)EEP!, which you can see on the virb site. Also, if you are a wandering record exec looking for the next big thing since Elliott Smith, I think I have your man! Enjoy!

For Chapter 1 of this story, check here.

Chapter 2

The Universe is very much like a well-oiled multi-billion dollar ultra-efficient corporation the way a bicycle is very much like a BMW. Actually, the Universe is closer to a North Korean, child-laboring, Kathy Lee Gifford-ish sweat shop.

There are, however, certain rules that the Universe abides by. There is a balance. There is a path. When something happens to upset this delicate balance, there is a chain of events put into action to rebalance, to realign, to make right. This chain of events is called, by those in authority, The Really Extraordinary Thing. Not only because the incident would be such an extraordinary event that could cause such an unbalance, but also because if such an event caused the unbalance, it would be Really Extraordinary if the Universe would be able to get itself together long enough to do anything about it.

The first step of the Really Extraordinary Thing is the utilization of the Chosen Ones, sometimes referred to as The Enlightened Three. Each hold within them specific and special abilities that, together, aid in the process of righting what has gone wrong. Along with the Chosen Ones there is a Guide. The Guide is created specifically to assist the Enlightened Three in their mission, and generally supply then with the needed tools and the Universal knowledge necessary to complete the task at hand.

At the top of the hierarchy of the Universal balance, there are three Entities. They provide stability and consistency in their own top of the heap kind of way. Though more like conduits than actual gears or cogs in the Universal machine, the part they play is no less important. They help facilitate the flow of energy throughout the cosmos, help unwrinkle any time/space paradoxes, and generally make sure all is well.

The cause of the Really Extraordinary Thing was the passing of the second of the three Entities approximately sixteen minutes and thirty-seven seconds before the appearance of the large waffle-shaped spacecraft on the fairly deserted beach before the three humans carefully chosen to become the next Enlightened Three.

…Okay, I know it’s not much but it’s a work in progress. Another chapter next week! Thanks!…

  Okay, quick post because I’ve been very busy, and I’ve got but a scant moment, but I will spend that moment gushing about a great video podcast I’ve discovered: tikibartv.com. If you know of these wild and crazy guys then please, continue to drink and enjoy, but if not then I implore you to stop by and check them out. And check out Lala. Yum Yum!

  I heard Leo talking to the guys involved on the last episode of This Week In Techand when Leo says jump I say “to what web site?” So I just watched 4 or 5 of these little eps and they thoroughly cracked my ass up. Very well done, very homemade but quality, quality stuff. I commend these guys for having a great time putting on a great show.

    So check it out, enjoy, and have a drink!

  Okay well in the beginning, there was Friendster, then Myspace, now Facebook, and apparently the future is VIRB.

Leo Laporte was talking about it on his weekend tech show The Tech Guy and I thought I’d pass it along because generally Leo knows what’s what well before the rest of us…or at least well before me.

It is worth a look. I’ve checked it out. It’s very shiny for sure. Looks like there could be something there. Eventually, anyway. But the future may be tomorrow or it may be next week, so we’ll have to wait and see. But it fits with this web 2.0 plan where everything has to be spelled weird. Like Joost. Very futuristic.

Also, if you don’t know Leo, you need to get to know Leo. He’s got some really great podcasts on TWIT.TV that are quite entertaining and informative. I miss the old day of the Screen Savers. *sigh*

So get moving and check out VIRB. Get it? Moving? VIRB? VERB?

Aw, never mind.